I seek you in

I seek you in each fleeting moment of night
in midst of sleep in happiest of my dreams

I see you with my eyes in darkest of the hours
or in blurred form in middle or the sun's light

Perhaps you are here or perhaps your memories
do not leave me, clogging my thoughts all over

My mind is like a desert at time of early dawn
empty without stars, without light, without moon

I stare endlessly at the vast ocean in front
there is no trace of you in the vast emptiness

In your absence waves keep lashing at my heart
waves of your memories, one after other, endlessly

Am alone in sand, yet when I turn back and see
there are marks of your feet walking along mine

Marks that are made by your memories in my heart
that do not go away with any of the lashing wave

Waves do come and go, leaving the marks there
just filling them with water to stand out again

I make pits in sand, between those marks and waves
I see your reflection in each pit as water fills them

I can no longer stop the water to come and show me
your presence in solitude of this lonely desert dawn

now my feet are tired, even though the walk was short
I hold you in me, though no one sees me carrying you

In between masses, i had longed for this solitude
I have this solitude, but the memories continue to echo

In middle of this island where I house your memories
I carry a dead mans burden with me in this dead body

My little heart aches, and this pain is never ending
like a seeping wound that continues to bleed very slowly

My wound does not heal in-spite of passing of seasons
I lose strength with every single dripping drop of blood

I look at the drops and I realize it is not just me
my blood has your essence in each and every drop

Even though I keep losing you in each moment of time
you keep growing on me in my memories of good times

I want to hold the image that lives in me now
but the image is blurred, faint, am unable to grab

I want to hug you, here, now in this lonely land
but then you are here, yet you are too far for me

I want to hold your hand and walk again with you
on the same waters of time we walked back then

on the same sands where we had left our marks
not as two bodies but as one soul that existed

You live on in my memories and in buds of spring
that I see flower this season, with colors, fragrance

I hold flowers to feel you close, inhale fragrance
alas, they are no where close to your feel, fragrance

I feel the spring has lost its glory and colors
without you the spring is dull, all life faded

why do I wait for another spring, another bloom
all I have now is blurring memories and lost hope

I long for you, from ages, before, ages here after
My soul is tired, how many  more lives should it wait

dreams of you

Each night I sleep with
dreams of you, with you
and the night is then
full of colors of spring

my bed is all fragrant
to welcome the dawn
of a new day of hope
to sustain me in the sun

that exists without you
for me to wait yet again
for the night to sleep
again with your dreams

I soak in the fragrances
each night in my sleep
my breath then is filled
by your presence in them

Ah, how eagerly do I
wait for this night then
that each day is just
passing for night to come

Love, tell me when will
this wait of mine be over
when my days will be
as fragrant as the nights

In what day I will have
colors of spring in my life
fragrance of those flowers
in breath in day, in night

I yearn for your smile, that
laughter that does entangle
me to this life now, hence
I wait for dreams of you

I wait for dreams of you
to see through another
white, cold, bitter winter
in hope of a colored spring

I live through hot summer
and barren shaven autumn
only for this hope of spring
I live in my dreams of you

Each night as I close my
eyes, I see an image of
yours but it gets blurred
my dreams need a sight

Sight yet again for them
to see you once again
to relive those moments,
for dreams to be fresh again

I have lost my way

I have lost my way
in middle of this sea
who do I call out here
there is no shore to see

I seek you today
like i did yesterday
but there is no sign
of you even till today

The sea is endless from
one horizon to another
and the more i try to find
I end up sailing further

Ah! what sea is this
vast without shore
just like your wait
endless with no shore

now I am losing hope
for am certain to drown
both in this endless sea
in wait without you around

why do leaves

why do leaves fall in autumn
to leave alone shaven branches
why do petals wait for spring
and have the winter wanting

why seas roar in summers
even when rivers run dry
why rivers freeze in winters
when the oceans are waiting

why my tears do not drop
when the heart cries loud
why you stay awake all night
my eyes hurt in its waiting

why do you not come near
my arms are eager for hug
why, why, so may whys love
with these how do I ever love

Love's wound

How do I live with this wound
My Heart, my bleeding heart,
why does the image stand out
in front of my eyes, closed eyes
why does blood go on seeping
through veins, bleeding veins
what will heal these wounds
that pain me, pain my heart
the scars keep getting deeper
cuts in skin, cuts deep in skin
why do I try to collect myself
when am in pieces, multiple pieces
I find no medication to heal
my torn soul, torn tattered soul
why have my tears dried up
my red eyes, my dry red eyes
I hear nothing except myself
my sobs, my simmering sobs
Love, how do I still breathe
vacuum, sans you this vacuum
why then I live with this wound
my wound, my love's wound

I do not love you

I do not love you as stars and moon
nor do I love you as earth and sun
for they separate each day and night
I love you as flower and fragrance
for you never leave me when you go
I live as long as you are in my being
and wither and die along with you
I love you as the sun and its light
where an eclipse can only hide it
but never separate the two of them
I love you as the moon and moonlight
which shines as bright as the moon
and vanishes when there is new moon

I do not love you as light and dark
nor do I love you as fire and wood
for they consume each other to die
I love you as the water and earth
which nourishes it makes it green
I live then through the pastures
and transform myself in your being
I love you as the drop and the sea
which merges in you without a trace
there is no I, just presence of we
I love you as the river and ocean
which roars, celebrates on meeting
and looses itself to be a single being

I do not seek the stars

I do not seek the stars or the night
nor the shining armor of the moon
that appears on this dark-dark night
that is darkest due to your absence

I look at the sky and across horizon
across many lands and many breezes
across the darkness of these seas
whose presence I know by its waves

I endlessly wait for the new dawn
I wait for the sun to shine bright
and lighten this land and these seas
only to be disappointed each time

I sustain myself through hot afternoon
not knowing what twilight will bring
I still look across the horizon, waiting
I see many ships, but not one I wait

I have spent days and nights together
I have withered in this pain endlessly
only seeking you without any pride
yet I smoulder and continue to burn

I seek you today like I did seek before
I seek you in fragrance of every breath
in the noise of every beat of my heart
cause there's no other way I know to live

Love, Where are you?

Love, Where are you?
The spring is here now
with bloom all around
colors, fragrance abound

Love, where are you
for I have search all
in the budding leaves
in roots south bound

Love, where are you
missing from soil below
not in stars or the moon
nor in sun that was round

Love, where are you
the buds all seek you
have bloomed with
many thorns to hound

Love, where are you
I put my ears to ground
no footsteps, no voice
quiet, silent no sound

Butterfly

Ah! What colors they have
delicate and yet so bright
full of varied hues these wings
with which the butterfly flies

I do not dare touch them
for they may just break apart
or at least lose its color
not let butterfly be butterfly

In life, cannot touch butterfly
How do I touch your being
for that is so delicate and pure
that my hands may leave marks

How do I hold you close
how do I feel your breath
how do I be in your life
if it takes away your colors

Yet we are bound together
by a thread that's delicate
it does not touch your wings
does not harm your being

We are bound together
by a delicate thread that
I had tied with you once
a thread of dreams ours

Don't break the thread
for it carries my being
it carries my hope in it
carries my spring, heaven

without your being

Without your being, my life
had turned colorless stale
no fragrance in breaths
and no sight to entice days

I woke up early under stars
to catch up dawn's colors
in this lively fragrant spring
amid bloom in gardens

I waited for dawns colors
and with them fragrances
to rise up from the flowers
only to be disappointed

Dawn did not have colors
like I see them in your being
neither the spring was fragrant
even close to your perfume

How else now do I cover
this vacuum you have left
me living a dull life here in
without your colors, perfume

The only color I have is
in midst of my dreams
that are filled with you
but they too are fading

How else do I put color to
these moments that pass
how do I breathe fragrance
in each of my breath now

Cruel second autumn

The wind raced across the streets
banging open doors and window
but those that were closed, could
never know a storm below over
leaving behind a yellow autumn
of crumpled leaves all around
even during the season of spring
all the trees barren, stark naked
and soon we will have hot summers
without leaves to give any shade
ah summer after another autumn
winter followed by another autumn
yellow, crumpled, odorless autumn
in season of spring, colorless autumn

as I bend down to pickup leaves
I see they are not brown or yellow
they are neither dried nor aged yet
yet the eccentric wind had its way 
tearing young leaves all around
snatching the buds from the thorns
petals from flowers delicate crown
taking away all these spring fragrances
along with the torn petals and buds
that line the pathway all along
welcoming the sun to its own land
announcing to the world here and there
summer is just here, summer is just here
a summer that comes after a long
long winter and a cruel second autumn

कभी धड़कनों का शोर था

कभी धड़कनों का शोर था
आज खामोशियों का दौर है
तब गूँजती थीं मेरी ख्वाहिशें
आज सन्नाटों का अजब शोर है

आज बैठी हुई हैं धड़कनें
कहीं खो गई सारी हसरतें
कभी तेरे जाने का मलाल था
आज अपने होने का खार है

कभी वो दिल दूर होके पास था
आज पास होके भी बहुत दूर है
कभी तेरे आघोश कि चाह थी
आज वो दिल तेरी ज़ुल्फ़ से दूर है

हाथ बढ़ाया था मैंने भी कभी
कि तेरा दामन मेरे ही पास था
आज आके तू वो भी पूछ गया
दामन पे मेरा क्या इख्तियार है

ले गया छीन के मेरे ख़्वाब भी
जिन ख़्वाबों पे  मेरा इख्तियार था
तू क्यों छोड़ गया फिर साँसें मेरी
इस ज़िस्म से साँस लेना बेकार है

लिए बैठा हूँ आज भी उम्मीद तेरी
क्यों तुझे मेरी उम्मीद से इंकार है
न बन सका तू मेरा हमसफ़र तो क्या
हमनफ़स तेरी सूरत का इन्तिज़ार है

I have never known love,

I have never known love,
without her curled hair
without her light lips
without blooming smile

It was easy, yet difficult
as mixing of two elements
like fire and water together
breathtaking, fire on water

I held on to my notions
knowing well that love
was someone elses, cause
there is only one I know love

to hold onto the feeling
beyond life and death
beyond this breath and
beyond heaven and hell

Ask me not how it was
for i have not seen heaven
neither i have seen hell
but I have seen her, love

In this dark night of solitude
I seek signs of her in all
I see a reflection of her hair
I love it till I know its Else's

I see dark shadows bearing
resemblance to her being
I chase them through the day
only to lose them each night

I see those eyes, perfect eyes
deep, penetrating eyes of love
only in my dreams in slumber
but no longer with my eyes

My sleep is like that of glass
it breaks at slightest nudge
and the pieces hurt me then
when I have to walk on them

I am awake at each footstep
only to break into pieces
for not having seen you
for carrying an image of you

But see am destroyed here
shattered to pieces now
each carrying your reflection
from far, across horizons

I would have not known love
had it not been for your heart
had it not been for your caress
had it not been for your hug

Your memories lash the shores of heart

Your memories lash the shores of heart
one night after another, with light of stars

I bear the brunt of the assault of these
one wave another another, relentless flow

how do I hold my tears in eyes, numb
they do not bat an eyelid, do not reat

My heart stands as a glass wall which just
shattered to pieces all around this earth

my steps hurt me as the glass pierces thru
as dagger of memories goes through heart

Agony, the pain would have been less if
the dagger had killed me then and there

but how do I live now, with this dagger
which is still in heart, with it how do I die

with every sob the dagger moves a little
and a little blood drips through the wounds

but my cloths are dirty but no longer red
the blood oozes but it does not have color

without you the colors have deserted me
without you its just an endless lonely expanse

The music plays here, but I do not hear
The music plays but there are no words

You were to sing the song with these beats
oh you were to make me listen to this

now all i have is a lonely deafening silence
that echoes across the land, across the seas

the shores of which I stand here, looking
across the horizon hoping to catch you.

how could you forget

O! hands,
how could you forget the thorn
when you go and pluck the rose
the stem will have a thorn there
always as its loyal companion
ensuring that it is not plucked
and grows on the stem only

O! feet,
how could you forget the earth
even though dreams are high
on which we can glide and fly
but in the end, we have to walk
on this earth with dust, pebbles
and feel them below our feet

O! eyes,
how could you forget the spring
for even when we look at autumn
the old there is shed to give way
for new green leaves to spring up
new colors and fragrances to adore
once the long harsh winter is gone

O! heart,
how could you forget the love
that came into life to be there
in your depths to merge with soul
and even when lover is not here
the essence is carried in you
through you into the soul to live

O! breath
how could you forget the air
it carries the world into you
through in-breathing, out-breathing
making me live so far on earth
making me experience life with you
and suffer without your being

O! pulse,
how could you forget how to race
you did not stop on seeing love
and yes even though love is far
hope of love exists deep within
I feel its presence around me
I have the essence within me

Stream of your being

The streams of your being
flows fast and furious
with so much noise that
you cannot even hear me
yet you smoothen my edges
as that of a pebble which
falls in gust of your flow
and settles deep down
in your invisible depths
as you roar from the high
mountains onto low plains
carrying with you water
giving life to thirsty earth

The wheel of yours that
turns fast to mold lives
has turned on me as well
I am no longer what I was
and am no longer me as well
am you from time  I met you
yet, I never realized this
until I tried to find you again
only to realize that I am you
that walks on this earth
in two different bodies
yet carries the same soul

The seeds that grow up
from fertile land of yours
are nothing but desires I
had carried of your presence
with me, in each every day
and each dark lonely night
in my eyes which await
your presence endlessly
by giving away their sleep
bartering them with wait
which never seems to end
here, in this life, on this earth.

When world seeks dawn

When world seeks dawn
I go on seeking nights
to sleep in its dark lap
see you in my dreams

when the dawn arrives
it brings with it sadness
of not being with you
not seeing your face

What else can be there
to live on the earth here
except to feel its nature
see your face in morning

I long to have you near
close to heart, my eyes
for them to wake up
each morning to you

I want feel your breath
on my temple, my face
and see you right here
now sleeping peacefully

I want to feel your hands
when you turn in sleep
cause it helps me know
that you are just fine

I want to be disturbed
by your hair on my face
it tells me I will see you
like each day in morning

what sight does world wait
for the dawn can never be
with its sun as beautiful
as I see, when I see you

My secrets are all out

My secrets are all out
am disgraced forever
like a long wax candle
that earlier stood tall
has melted to ground
laying in heaps there
without shape or form
I find myself in pieces
spread around place
where I once stood tall

My heart bleeds now
blood oozes in tears
yet no one sees the red
on my cheeks dripping
my tears are uninvisible
as drops of a dark cloud
which never ever rains
and I seethe within me
burning my pride, ego
begging for a little time

My sorrow engulfs me
one wave after another
covering sands of shore
with water once more
I seek out the signs
that your feet had left
in this shore walking
hand in hand with me
in this sand before waves
washed them all away

My soul burns again
like an invaluable dream
that has been lost forever
without materializing
or coming to life even
once in these little breath
Again, I seek your signs
amongst stars of heaven
to find that heaven is hell
without your presence

You are never going to ask

You are never going to ask,
but how I wish you would, that,
where I am always entangled
where I am lost in thought
so that I can come to you
and whisper in your ears
that am lost in my thoughts
which are entangled in your hair
I hold each strand one by one
admiring the beauty it holds
each same and yet so different
each beautiful by radiance
that emanates from your heart
I touch one, I am entangled
then I see another, i touch
and I get caught in it
willingly entrapped in those
close to you, close to your soul
Ah that heaven that exists
in my thoughts, in dreams
and yet I am so distant, far
so far, that even my voice
dies, before it reaches your shore
I hear the waves going away
lost in the seas far, in ocean
but I have not heard the waves
roaring and coming my way
I don't hear with them
your voice that comes this way
and I await with a hope then
that you will come this way
hoping that you will ask
knowing fully well, that
You are never going to ask