Every song I have

Every song I have sung
since time I started speaking
my first syllable, first word
has been only about you
Every smile I have had
from when I knew happiness
on this earth on my lips
has been due to you
Every cry I have made
since my first cry was head
from day of birth to now
stems from your separation
Every tear that I shed
from time I learned to cry
has been in an agony
due to your absence from me
Every breath that I take
from moment I learned to breathe
this air around me from spring
has carried with it your fragrance
Every time my heart beats
since the time it started beating
on each counted bead of its
have been chanting your name
Every time my eyes blink
they begin looking for you
around here all over again
not knowing that you are in soul

I carry in my heart

I carry in my heart
an everlasting flower
which retains fragrance
its color, freshness
for time immortal
before I was born
to after I will die
your love that blooms
like a fresh flower
will remain as is
The petals will never
dry and turn pale
fragrance intact
with a smile that
comes from whole
self and not just lips

I carry in my heart
never ending desire
of the feeling of
your arms wrapped
around my neck
holding me tight
in that bear hug
never to let me go
to always hold me
tight in ever lasting
bear-hug of yours
that leaves your lingering
fragrance and essence
in me, in my heart
from now onwards
till time immemorial

my heart breaks

my heart breaks
I cry out loud
I pick up pieces
restart life again
and again I see
an image of yours
I seek you infinitely
in between breaths
between silence of
two musical notes
that originate from
the air that you blow
in your magical instrument

I shut myself
to these sounds
I close my eyes
to the light around
but again I see
an image of yours
I seek you infinitely
in middle of dreams
in each tear of pain
in each cry of agony
in each moment of life
that is wasted
without your being

My heart is torn
it has broken again
for umpteen times
it breaks and breaks
yet It does not want
anything save you
It does not seek
anyone but you
as my cries die
and my tears dry
my heart still sobs
in your absence
that goes through me

What did I do

Oh what did I do
why did I fall in love
with one who is afraid
to even call me back

I have cut my soul
to cover her adobe
yet beloved is afraid
to speak a word

I shout in streets
I dance in market
beloved just hides
in walls of her own

I stare at love's window
I sleep at love's door
yet beloved latches it
fearing worlds reprise

I fight massive storms
shield summer heat
yet love does not trust
my soul is for her

I sold my senses,
I sold my breath
yet the beloved says
she is still so poor

my heart is long gone
my soul is in tatters
am still beating walls
love built around her

i will keep beating
till the walls crumble
may be this life of next
i will be in love's nest

O Breath, behold

O Breath, behold
see the wonders around
clouds are spread
sun about to touch ground
sky bleeds with colors
bird chirps are all around
Ah, light in face
all rays are earth bound
Black, Blue, Red
give way to light around
dew just settled
flowers with drops found
Men, women start toil
and many tilt the ground
nocturnal are gone
there is no fear to hound

O Breath, behold
as children seek to play
wheel is turning
pots are being made of clay
its bright, its sunny
its yet another lovely day
markets start to open
people line the long way
varied faces glimmering
as stars of the milky way
the prairies are green
some cattle have gone astray
sun peaks, men break
food, siesta, laying on hay
then heat is down
all down to close the day

O Breath, behold
as the sun begins to set
the clouds are down
a riot of colors to bet
ah, the sun enchants
kissing distant ocean, its wet
blue, red, black
light gives way to dark net
stars start to twinkle
moon hasn't come out as yet
ah moon, ah the moon
out of dark in silvery nett
silence sings beautifully
milky way twinkling as rosette
men go sleep to awake
as another day of wonder beget

about a year back

In the loud shining lights
in the sound of drums
and strumming of strings
in the air of trumpets
I walk away from noise
towards the door outside
hoping to see you, now
hoping for a glimpse
when my eyes deceive me
I see hazy form there
just like i had seen you
about a year back
I see you walking
I feel you seeing me
from across the door
ready to come to me
yet I don't see you clearly
the image is blurred
my memory of you is blurred
I do not remember anymore
how exactly you looked
about a year back
how you had walked
about a year back
how you had hugged me
about an year back
and yet I feel its you
that is across the door
waiting to walk in there
its your image I see
through the glass door
and yet my eyes betray me

Light of Spring

This light of spring tears me apart
bright sun, glory colors, fragrances
they all do kill me in my silence
that exists because of your absence
my lips locked by frost of your hands
my chest is sealed by your last hug
O! Love, how far back was that
how far back that we had met
I still remember you as I saw you
I saw you last just before autumn
and this year autumn is still far
how do I live till autumn arrives
not knowing if I would see you then
I no longer touch anything in world
Oh, its coarse, all objects are coarse
after I held tenderness of your skin
nothing has that softness, nothing
and in this dark night away from you
in this dark night devoid of your eyes
I can cry, silently, without the world
silently, without anyone to know
how much I have loved you here
how many times I die waiting for you

Its twilight

Its twilight
as I look outside window
tracking steps you and I
took hand in hand
on the same path
under this colored sky
recollecting each foot
put there at a time

Today in this evening
no one has seen us
together walking
here hand in hand
today in this dusk
the clouds cover sun
the colors are sad
like my battered heart

We have lost this
evening from us
we have lost this
time forever now
we both are now alone
we  lost togetherness
you and I are no longer
we, you and I are different

As I slip into bed
I seek up to stars
to ask if they remembered
what they had witnessed
when you and I, were we
and the stars did not answer
but I could see tears

These tears then dripped
through those clouds
onto my body, my soul
only to burn and sizzle
with the agony of my heart
what is charring now
in your absence here
without your presence here

I counted

I counted
silvery moon nights
of separation,
then I lost count
I then counted
dark moonless nights
yet again I lost count
I counted winter weeks
that passed by and
my hands were full
I could count no more
I could remember
your face no more
I could no more feel
air with your fragrance

How many more nights
how many more moons
without your curled hair
without your eyes glitter
without your breath on me
How many more nights
with no sleep or dreams
no hope or aching despair
how many more nights
of painful separation
how many more nights
of eyes in waiting
how many more nights
without your love

And then I died

And then I died
I dies not because
there was no air to breathe
or no water to drink
I died because of your absence
because you were not here
with me in life
may be dying was just
your absence from life

Ah Love! how do I live
in this void without you
in this vast land and seas
without a speck to hold
in this gloomy cloudy day
without a sun to guide
In this thorny existence
with no fragrance to live
ah just thorns without rose

I held a flower once
and petals began to fall
one by one all petals down
the same happened
from every branch
from every stem of Rose
from every stem of Lilly
I kept waiting for the time
when the whole flower will drop

The leaves turned yellow
and crumbled to the ground
the stems lost flowers
but they never fell as whole
I waited the whole winter
and hoping for spring
Love, spring has come
spring has come a new
flowers still don't beckon

hence I am dead
flower doesn't come to me
only falling petals
of a love that I lived
only fleeting fragrance
from this wind that blows
only the depressed waves
of ocean we walked once
and hence I died

Migratory Birds

I saw a flock of birds
migratory, heading back
as the winter is easing
to their far away home
little did I realize
that they headed in
direction of yours
yes, they are coming
to the place you live
just to pass by and
move further North
but Love, do not worry
am not a bird and
winter for me is
still not over yet
long, solitary winter
continues for months
also let it be known
that as migratory birds
do not fly back alone
you will never see me
coming your way alone
as migratory birds
die when stranded
without their love
in this long migration
I shall die too here
without your presence
I shall die without
seeing you again
unless I had wings
and long long flights
like migratory birds
to fly with them
towards your home
only to stay back there
and not go forward
with them onwards north
but its full of a lot of "if"
only if I had the wings
the wings of your love

Pangs of Separation

Stillness of this night hurts me
more so now when am alone without you

night with glittering stars, moon
has tree in silver light standing alone

I wait for you, like each day of life
waiting to hear voices from across ocean

ocean too is silent today with no waves
they are in sorrow, solemn with my solitude

Even this wind is still today, still
with me, my heart and my being without you

In this night my eyes search for us,
Love, we are no longer we, we are not the same

Am without you here and you far
what can be worse than this night without you

Yet I have company of these tears
that roll down my cheeks one after another

My tears fall on bloom of your memories
only to appear as dew on flowers in morning

I pick these flowers, they are withered
but they carry your fragrance, without you

I carry you with me through my heart
through these little petals that do not look same

Oh, how do I remember your face
I have not seen you for days for nights here

This night is still the same without us
we are no longer what we used to, we are alone

I recollect your steps in the far streets
and I see your marks in spite of passing of time

Those streets that we roamed together
they still call out to both of us, to relive them

Yet I do not hear your voice now,
even though those streets are farther than you

How do I live without your eyes
big, bright eyes, with the glimmer of life for me

Love, why do we have to live suffering
why we are across borders and oceans suffering

This night is quiet as so many before it
not knowing that a storm brews in our hearts alone.

immortal

O Heart!
She is gone
yet you carry her
you keep staring at her
beyond the realms of time
beyond this night and day
you continue to seek her
infinitely
across this universe

O Heart!
why do you weep
so silently that even
I do not hear your sobs
when I know deep within
that you are torn
broken into pieces
unable to collect yourself
unable to let her go

O Heart!
give out a shriek
let tears roll down
relieve yourself of agony
let the boil go
for invariable
both you and her
were never gonna be
Immortal

Love's rage

My hollowness in this lonely hour
echoes across my existence
yet i do not know if it reaches you

My emptiness cries out loud
yet the voice dies in heart
I wither in shrieks of pain
and in heart all pain sinks

I look around for you
only to find your resemblance
in mirror, I see raging fire

In these entwined flames
that bears your mortal form
I seek the water to quench
my desire of your love

I have lost hope, not love
I have lost heart, not desire
hence I continue to seek you

I can live without this air
can quench thirst sans water
but how do I ever live
without your presence

I am afraid to even blink
cause at every blink of my eye
I seek your presence in me

My being here is mortal
yet my desire of you immortal
without you how else do i live
how else do I remain a mortal

how many more

How many more suns
how many more moons
how many moonless nights
being away from you
how many more breaths
how many more love

I open door to my
house each morning
I switch off lights
of house each night
to see your absence from
dawn to dusk to dawn

Love, I ask you
to hold me in this
dark and blinding light
through the dark alleys
full of indifference
into you, into love

what flows in my veins
is your remembrance
roaring like raging river
through numerous rapids
flow bashing on heart
leaving sand, memories

I try to set sail on a boat
of yours, but the memories
lash against the mast
leaving it in taters
Yet again I try to go
and yet again am beaten

cup of life

I stare at life's ocean
wave after wave lashes
across me, deep in me
in my heart that sighs
waiting for sign of you
yet my life waits in vain
as the water fills here
cup is about to overflow
I still seek to see you
my eyes are not drowned
I try to keep afloat
drop by drop it pours
ah these drops of time
they have so far stayed
below my two eyes to let
me see across distant horizon
but who knows here, when
the cup decide to fill up, but
I will till then, till eternity
keep searching for signs
of yours in that horizon
till the dusk of my life
is there, till last breath
till the last drop of time
fills my only cup of life

forgotten you

I look at the sun
and I close my eyes
only to see my heart cry
I open my eyes
for the moon
and I again cry
for I have not seen you
now in seasons

Love, how do I live
for I catch your glimpse
through every star
of this infinite universe
in the moon that shines
and in the moonless nights
I see you in each window
and in each blink of eye

I seek you not knowing
that I loved you once
and now I have forgotten you
I have forgotten your face
in all these days being away
I do not recollect your arms
and how I felt in them
I have forgotten you, love

I lost my desire to love
as a flower which is plucked
looses fragrance and is doomed
to die as a petal  separated
from the bud showing color
only to die slowly
I have suffered like a thorn
whose flower is away

I know you loved me once
I know you did but once
I don't know if you still do
but I don't love you anymore
I don't love you anymore
I don't love, but may be
may be i still love you
i do not know if I do

How will I know if I do
you are far, across oceans
yet i have your fragrance
I miss your touch on me
I miss me holding your hand
may be i have forgotten you
I have forgotten your face
but how do I forget your soul

Colors at Dawn

The colors at dawn show again
and there are clouds too yet again
playing havoc with the sun's light
and dance of more colors in sight

Alas, I stand at dawn waiting
for her to come here seeking
if not me, then just these colors
but are pale in front of her colors

I see these colors and I remember
her laughter that filled chamber
I seek fragrance of wet dew, earth
I remember her's a buds birth

Ah! don't play havoc with heart
don't ever bind this free flying bird
but then it always flew seeking you
 tracing through every other clue

O! Sun, O! clouds, O! horizon
did you see her in sky as Orion
her arrow is half pierced in there
then why I cry in pain alone here

O Wind, go take my cries where
lives the stoned heart in walls there
ask her why did she leave the arrow
Can't live, but still no death to borrow

Why is dawn so lovely and I awake
I may have loved to think its fake
but no, the earth and sun make love
yet again, before sun rises far, above

Love! Dont just wait and see my pain
your indifference has a lot to explain
you came to me and created a stir
I hope me and you in dreams were

bread

Love, my hunger here knows
no bounds in life and yet its
not the baker's grains that
I ever seek to satiate myself
I long for you, your grains
the glowing flare of your skin
to bake, have it whole and
I was down there burning
as a piece of black coal
holding onto my flares for
your harvest's dough to land
and let me help the grain
to bake as an earth bread
to rise into you with this fire
that rages high in my heart,
and I have it alive waiting till
You came and embraced me
just for those fleeting moments
and then retreated fearing
that my flame will char bread
not knowing that dough had
cooled me down while baking
and all I am now capable is just
to keep you warm for whatever
life is left now in me and you
 

I Loved the night

I loved the night, for I was with you
in peace in my dreams you all along
and then came this dawn of new day
and then so much I hated this dawn
that I waited whole day for sun to set
and this dusk to arrive once again
and me to sleep, slip back in dreams
where I see you yet again as always
sleeping peacefully with smile on lips
lest you come back and complain
that you do not dream now of love
lest you come back and tell me
that your dreams are no longer good
lest you come back frightened
and tell that all you have is nightmare
and that would be the end of me
for I would have failed to keep you
isolated of this pain, fear and anguish
that world has brought through day
even at night when you sleep here
in my dreams peacefully with a smile.