नहीं मिलता

ढूँढ़ते फिरते हैं तुझे हर साँस में ए ज़िंदगी
पर हर साँस को तेरा पता नहीं मिलता

छोड़ आये थे जिसे हम कहीं किसी मोड़ पर
वो शक़्स क्यों किसी मोड़ पर नहीं मिलता

बहुत भागा हूँ तेरी ख़्वाहिश में ए शोहरत पर
इस शोहरत में रोने को कोई कंधा नहीं मिलता

थाम के चलते थे हम जिसका हाथ कभी
आज वो हमसे अजनबी सा भी नहीं मिलता

मशरूफ थे कमाने में दौलत कुछ इस तरह
आज जहाँ में हम सा कोई चेहरा नहीं मिलता

कमाई है मैंने बहुत दौलत और यह तन्हाई
पर दोनों को खर्चने का ज़रिया नहीं मिलता

ले आया कफ़न भी ज़री वाला अपने लिये आज
पर उसपे भी दो गज़ से ज्यादा सोना नहीं मिलता

Had written this while was reading a sher - har kissi ko mukamal jahan nahin milta on some context. Here is the translation of the above

Keep searching for you in each breath O! life
but every breath does not get to know your address

The one we had left at some turn (of life)
that person now does not meet us in any corner.

I have run a lot chasing your desires O! fame but
not one shoulder is available in this fame to cry on

The one we used to hold hands with while walking
that person now does not see us even as strangers

Were busy accumulating wealth in such a way
that now no face in the world appears like ours

Have earned a lot of wealth and this solitude
but now I cannot find ways to spend either of them

I have got a shroud made of gold thread for myself
but even there its just of 2 full yards not more.

हज़ार रंग आंखों में

हज़ार रंग आंखों में थे 

रंग सब छोड़ दिए मैंने 

एक तेरे रंग में रंगने को 

बसंत को उद्देळ दिया मैंने 

कलियाँ कब से बैठी थी 

कलियों को छोड़ दिया मैंने 

उन रंगों और उन खुश्बूँ को 

तेरे रंग में घॊल दिया मैंने 

जाने कब आयी ऋतू गर्मी की 

तेरी आस में भुला दिया मैंने 

उसके पीले अम्बर में भी 

तेरे सब रंग भर दिए मैंने 

उड़ती रेत सूखे होठों की तृष्णा 

दोनों को ही प्यासा रखा मैंने 

झुलसी उम्मीद को भी कहीं किसी 

अर्थी पर ख़ाक कर दिया मैंने 

फिर बरसे नयन बरसे काले बदल 

और इस में भी मन भर लिया मैंने 

जब टपके कुछ बूँदों में अरमान 

आँसूओं में इन्हें छुपा दिया मैंने 

आयें मेघ न बरसें यह मेघ 

यहाँ दश्त बना दिया मैंने 

प्यासी धरती प्यासा मन 

दोनों को तरसा दिया मैंने 

सवान बीता और पतझड़ आया 

इंतज़ार में मौसम बिता दिया मैंने 

कुछ सूखे पतझड़ के पतों को 

जलाते-जलाते जंगल जला दिया मैंने 

इस मौसम का कुछ साथ देने को 

अरमानों को पतों सा गिरा दिया मैंने 

खाली टहनियों कि तरह तन्हा ही 

हो कर यह जीवन बिता दिया मैंने 

फिर आई एक रात ठंडी-ठंडी सी 

जिसको आग में तपा दिया मैंने 

खुद अपना घर जला कर उस दिन 

रोशन किया कुछ का जहाँ मैंने 

हैं ठंडी सांसें साथ आज भी 

इन्हें धुंध में गुमा दिया मैंने 

कुछ सफ़ेद रंग कि बर्फ के साथ 

अरमानों को सुला दिया मैंने 

Which one is better?

Which one is better?
an unknown existence
or a forgotten existence
from bewilderedness of time

I have lived both here
from an unknown person
to a forgotten love that
have spanned my short lifetime

Which one is better?
the crumbling yellow
or fresh leaves of spring
that grow on once barren trees

I have seen both here
from fallen dry leaves
to the smiling buds that
have bloomed on all trees

Which one is better?
the dry dunes of sand
or the expanse of water
that extends beyond horizon

I have lived both here
in hot and arid deserts
to coasts with oceans
where there is nothing till horizon

Which one is better
a small life to live
or a long silence
buried underneath a lump of clay

I have felt both here
fragrant life in your love
to my endless want of you in
separation like dark grave in clay

Monsoon

Dark clouds encircle
the mother earth
pouring drops with rage
one after the other
I knew about mine
but what rage did
the sky have to pour

it hit the ground hard
piercing through soil
making impressions
that lasted in sand
just for a moment or
two then cleaned by
next drop that fell

Soil became moist
just like my eyes
and its tears were
hidden from all
by rain that made
it wet muddled, where
a few drops could get lost

Ship-wreck

I don't live off the sun or
of the wind that blows
I don't live off the stars
or the moon that shines
I don't live off the coast
or on the beaches of sand
I am stranded in middle
of the ocean like the old
ship's wreck that is buried
invisible to all eyes but
to those deep fishes which
swim through my chambers
that are never seen on
the surface of the ocean
nor are touched by the
waves that lash your shores

I don't live off the floor
of the ocean that is dark
I don't live off the saline
dark water of the ocean
I don't live off the rust
that corrodes me over
I am breathing through
the tiny pores that these
rusts have made over me
through which life breathes
and lets me see the ocean
even in the dark endless
expanse where no light
has ever been seen or where
no fire has ever let, where
no love of yours ever lived.

Not with my

Not with my hands
to touch or feel your skin
or move through your hairs
or hold you close to me

Not with my eyes
that follow your
every step with my
never-ending glare

Not with my breath
that beats in hope
that one day it will
be in unison with yours

I will touch you with
my heart and tie
it to you heart so that
we are tied till eternity.

I was lost

I was lost in the night
not knowing where
I had been all while
There were colours
fragrances all around
when beloved walked
ignoring the crowd

The wind stopped
so did my breath
to watch love glide
through the sea
making way into
the hearts of all

AH!, Ah! what sight,
what a sight was that
there was stillness
with the glide of love
walking across crowd
yet standing out

Then, I breathed again
what fragrance was that
what a fragrance that; my
beloved had left for all
to soak and be intoxicated
through the night of love

I am not going to ask

Now you can carry on ahead

without my constant gaze

following you at every step

I am not going to ask you

to hug me again when I

feel down, sad and lonely

I am not going to ask you

to sit besides me in the day

and let me feel your presence

I am not going to ask you

to stop for me or ask you

to be by my side in dreams

I am not going to forget you

ever, yet am going to move on

with your presence in my heart

Cause, without your existence

I cannot exist here, on earth

I cannot breathe the air,

that has no fragrance of yours

I cannot have a heart beat

without your presence in it

Yet, I am not going to call you

for, I can only call when you are

far, but how do I call someone

who, is within me, my heart?

I did seek you

essence of your love grows in me
through the old vines that grow
and cover me from my two limbs
onto my stomach covering all
of my hands and face and head
leaving just the eyelids and
this little nose to keep looking
for your resemblance and for
your fragrance in this air

I did seek you before summers
and before the bloom withered
I did seek you before winters
and before the monsoons watered
I did seek you for seasons before
and for the months endlessly
I did seek you for years now
endlessly through these moments
that were etched in my memory

And now in those faint memories
I do not remember the street,
I do not remember the city
but I do remember your face
your face with hidden sorrow,
and the small joys of the world
that you carried with you always
as a child, holding onto the good
and the bad the world gave you
before you and I had ever met.

Solitary Travel through India

In the pines of Deodars

where, the snow clad Pir Panjal

meets, the clear skies of

a spring night, full of stars

I bow down, to your lips

to kiss them once again

and soak in your essence

and live in your fragrance

Beloved, I did not meet

you, here nor in the arid

deserts, of the great Thar

but in a land, miles apart

where, there was no snow

where, there was no sand

just the expanse of sea

and you, is all I could see

I searched again for you

in grey sand beaches of Goa

and in backwaters of Kerala

finding godliness, not you

I soaked myself in those 

waters only to see myself

dry without your eternal love

without your touches' trove

I lived in colonial French city

of Pondicherry seaching

for you in those churches and 

in queues outside Tirumala

Only to see myself lost in

the crowd of people that

had no resemblance to you

had no bond that we sew

I went to the dense Sundarbans

as well as to the temples of 

the great city of Khajurao

and to the vast ghats of Kashi

only to realize that Ganges waited

in each Aarti to show you

how grand it can be on the boat

to see humanity never gloat

I moved on barren white

sands in expanse of Kutch

and then moved to the peaks

of mountains of Kanchenjunga

to find you missing from there

and each place i ever went

I seek you in each land of mine

to realize that land has to be thine

Forgotten

Hours, days, weeks, months come and go,
so do years, after years vanish like sand
slipping out of my tightly clenched hand
yet I carry with me the everlasting memories

Ah, Love, I have forgotten the way we first met
I have forgotten the place we walked together
I have forgotten the fight and patch up we had
but how do I forget that love that made me alive

There was a time when distances could not
drive a wedge between our two hearts and souls
I could hear your breaths from across the seas,
and now I even long for your golden voice

Beloved, you are far, but far from forgotten
I have not seen you, not heard from you
yet I seek your face, your happy face
your smile that made my spring blossom

Love, you know that I can forget to breath
I can forget the way to my lonely house
but how can you even imagine that
I have ever forgotten you, your love
  

Spring and Autumn

Love, as we hold

each others hands

and see the sun rise

over a foggy morning

in early February

am reminded of

times we did spend

together last autumn

when weather was

cool and not so warm

when the wind was

as chilly as it is now

and the colours were

as much as they are now

just that there were

no petals or flowers

just leaves in varied

hues, crumbling to

the barren ground.

I walked on the road

to hear the leaves 

crumble under my

feels and yours too

I held your hands

tightly, close to me

for you may not

hit a stone there

hidden beneath those

pale yellow leaves

and now I hold you

again to ensure

that you do not

hit the stones lost

in beauty of this

yellow mustard fields

You are far

Beloved, why you are far,
across numerous lands and
infinite seas and oceans where
my sight does not reach you

I stand at the shore looking
at this evening moon, hoping
that it will take my message
across this night sky to you

I seek out the stars in the sky
who all stand there, yet alone
yet far, hoping they will know
the pangs of separation I bear

I look to the stars and wait
for them to hear my words
and for them to transmit
these messages across to you

My Beloved, I don't know
if my night and your nights
are joined together in this dark
hopefully north stars reach you

but inspire of so many messages
I still sees these stars, unmoved
flickering the same way, with
no joy, no message from you

may be I should use the sun
before it goes into the earth
but then this sun, who does not
go beyond horizon, reach you

may be this air, this fragrant
air of winters may blow over
your land, your street your house
may be this can carry my message

but the air comes to me, whispers
"I am free, I don't chose direction
I roam not knowing my beloved
how do I end up finding yours."

The air too disappoints me now
and then I look into my heart
I see you there as you were back
when my eyes last saw you.

How do I not love

How do I not love you

how do I not love the 

sun and its hues at dawn

the sky with dark clouds

ready to pour on desert sand

How do I not love the

city where you and I met

like the distant horizon

where sun meets the sea

How do I not love this

sight of the ship entering

its harbour after long sail

across the entire globe

How do I not love this

breeze of spring bringing

your fragrance in each

whiff of air that blows

How do I not love these

drops of dew in the dark

reflecting the stars and

the sky and the full moon

How do I not love my 

heart, that beats in rhythm

with your steps, your breath

how do I not love you

just one light

As the bitterness of sun
and this earth, reaches
its peak, in this foggy
January, I remember you
and the fog and the mist
that clouded our hearts
to separate and live -
miles apart, separated
by a barren desert and
an endless ocean where
I stand and wait seeking
your reflection, your
signs in this air, trying
to find your fragrance
your little resemblance
to trace my footsteps
towards your street

I seek out and fight
with the sea to part
and leave a way for me
to walk on it to reach you
I battle the falling snow
to let the path be open
for me to reach out
to your city as soon
as the moon tells me
about your street and
your little windows
that remain open
for me, my presence
in your large expanse
of life, of your embrace

I look unto the stars
each day wondering
if they are destined to
be separated forever
like they appear today
or on any other night
with the moon light
or at times without
I look up to the moon
and ask what does it
gain by the little light
it brings on us in dark
when we are recollecting
memories of time we
had spend under its light
holding each other looking
out from our tiny window
up to it and the stars

Ah! Love, come see here
this life is passing by
and you tell me to wait
what use will be this wait
when you and I have to live
all this life, afar and separated
what use is this closeness
in the sky after our death
when only people on earth
will recollect, see us together
when we would be still
far apart as two distinct stars
each with its own light
how can we be two my love
when we are destined to have
just one life and let out
just one light after we are dead.

Distance

I remember you
in the distance
holding your soul
tightly in an embrace

Yet you were gracious
to open up to me once
and bare your soul
on that small chance

Ah, my love, how do I
say I loved your grace
but hated that little tear
that spoiled your dance

we walked down the street
holding other at every chance
even the streets were bright
we did not want to take a chance

yet, how far we were when
we got into an embrace
and you held me tightly
I didn't think of world once

Those infinite distances
between our souls in embrace
those unknown barriers
that made is part from embrace

yet, today when we are far
I feel closer than that embrace
yet, today when we cannot touch
I feel there isn't any distance

When I see

When I see the moon,
the dark night with stars
I look at the shadows
that the objects casts

I search in those shadows
for anything that bears
slight resemblance to you
resemblance to your mane


Do you know beloved
I have searched in dark
nights and bright moons
for your hair's presence

I have searched in stars
for what looks like you
only to find my heart
with its windows bleeding

In it I seek signs of desire
that were there due to you
yet all I see in the wounds
is sadness driven by absence

Absence of you from me
absence of your shadows
from the walls of this house
absence of you from yourself

Yellow Leaves

I saved moments to live
nurtured them as leaves
on magnification tree of time
each year, one at a time

All years had same branches
12 in all as I could count
and almost same number
of fresh green leaves

Some trees had a bonus
an additional leaf to live
an addition which I thought
was a bonus for all to live

Then as time approached
for each tree's moments
to live by each day
leaves started to turn yellow

Leaves would turn pale
on one each day at a time
and then the yellow leaf
would drop off from tree

I would lose all the leaf
day after day, crumpled
pale and yellow down
on the ground to vanish

This year, I see my new tree
it too has just 12 branches
and has that bonus leaf
hopefully surviving wither

I want to end atleast 1 year
with some leaves on the tree
still green still on and fresh
not as barren branch to be left.