how do I expect

how do i expect
you to be with me
when I cannot hold
nor cajole you now
or when you need
when I am away
at hour of need
through your pain
through your agony
and show up only
when things are good
or when I need you

how do I expect
you to love me back
when I love you
but can never confess
nor I can express
this love to you
how do i expect
you to know I care
that its only you
that I live for now
and one who lives
in my heart in all beats
for my selfish reasons

how do I expect, love,
you to be equal partner
in my crime of love
in my  agony, pain
when I just refuse to
hold your hand and
hug you back each time
you have hugged me
when I refuse to kiss you
and refuse to caress tress
that flow with every nod
that you do to say yes.